Refuse Letting Go
by Lynn Saunders
Summary: A love story, continued. (A companon piece for "Worth Remembering".)


Title: Refuse Letting Go  
Author: Lynn Saunders  
Website: http://www.mindspring.com/~lynnsaunders (new   
ad-free space!)  
Email: lynnsaundersfanfic@hotmail.com  
Distribution: Knock yourself out, but let me know so I can   
check on you.  
Rating: PG-13  
Classification: MSR  
Spoilers: seasons seven, eight and nine  
Summary: a love story, continued (a companion piece   
for "Worth Remembering")  
Date Completed: 08-12-03  
  
A Dedication:  
This story is for Sallie, who hasn't been feeling well   
lately. You're in my prayers, sweetie. Thanks for all of   
the kind words you've sent my way. I luv ya, girl. This   
one's for you!  
  
A huge "Thanks!" goes out to Carol for fantabulous beta.  
You rock!  
  
This story is a companion piece for "Worth Remembering".   
You don't have to read one to understand the other, but   
they do belong together.  
  
Feedback is fed plump, juicy grapes and fanned with palm   
frons at lynnsaundersfanfic@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder and Scully are the   
property of Chris Carter and 1013. A break from work is   
the only thing I am gaining from writing fan fiction.  
  
Refuse Letting Go  
by Lynn Saunders  
  
* * * * * *  
  
He doesn't knock at the door. He's not sure why. Usually, lately, he   
knocks, somewhat hesitantly. Tonight, using his key feels right, so   
he does. Juggling a steaming pizza box and a brightly wrapped gift,   
he manages to kick the door closed without dropping anything or   
making a ridiculous amount of noise.  
  
Scully's apartment is dark save a desktop lamp, yet the room glows   
all the same. He's not sure if it's a trick of the light or an   
effect of the woman curled up on the sofa. She rests on her side,   
flaming hair scattered across the pillow under her cheek, one small   
hand spread flat against her swollen belly.   
  
He feels somewhat guilty for his intrusion in this private moment,   
but he has been away far too long already. His place is here. He   
should be snuggling with his family on the sofa, rather than   
standing just inside the door, staring.   
  
His family. The thought both warms and intrigues him.  
  
As quietly as possible, he moves to the kitchen, depositing his   
offerings on the tabletop. Scully's breathing is deep and soft as he   
makes his way around the couch and kneels in front of her. Her   
cheeks are sleep-flushed, slightly chubbier than he remembers.   
His eyes stray to the mound of her stomach, to the hand that   
caresses their unborn child, even in sleep. She'd roll her eyes  
at him if he told her how fascinating he finds her new curves.   
Gently, he reaches out to her, traces one auburn eyebrow before   
running his fingers through her tousled hair. He says her name   
softly.  
  
"Mulder?" she murmurs, leaning into his touch. Crystal blue eyes   
blink at him sleepily. She smiles. "I was dreaming about you."  
  
He chuckles. "Nothing bad, I hope."  
  
"No, it was good." Her eyes sparkle, taking on the same   
mischievous twinkle he's seen so much of late. "Very good."  
  
"Oh?"   
  
She quirks an eyebrow.  
  
Oh.  
  
Small fingers brush his cheek, and he sighs, closing his eyes as   
she wraps her arms around him. He snuggles into her embrace and   
returns the hug, careful not to squeeze too tightly. When he   
opens his eyes, she is looking at him, her lips inches from his.   
This feels right, he thinks. Maybe he says it, though. He can't   
remember. Suddenly, it doesn't matter because Scully is kissing   
him. Her lips are soft and warm, and it's been so long since   
he's felt her in his arms that he wants to cry, wants to never   
let go.  
  
When they come up for air, she rests her forehead against his.   
The gesture is familiar, comforting, and the memories flood in. In   
his hallway, trying to convince her not to leave. In the same   
hallway, telling her what she meant to him. In her apartment,   
mourning her lost chance at motherhood.   
  
Never give up on a miracle.  
  
Smiling, he kisses her rounded stomach. She is beautiful.  
  
Eventually, he will talk her into having a slice of pizza. She   
will cuddle her new doll in her lap while she picks off all of   
the toppings and eats them first.   
  
Later, he will stand at the kitchen sink, rinsing their   
plates under the tap. She will rise from the sofa and move   
about her apartment, turning off lights and sliding the   
safety chain on the door. When she reaches the kitchen,   
she will touch his shoulder tentatively, running her   
fingers down his arm to clasp his hand.   
  
"Stay."   
  
He will.  
  
Deep in the night, he will lie awake, caressing her bare back,   
savoring the way her sleep-pliant flesh molds to his, memorizing   
the peaceful expression she wears. As he drifts to sleep, he will   
hold onto every detail, refuse to let go. And it will be these   
moments he will cherish, months down the road when she cares for   
their son, but he can no longer be by her side.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
lynnsaundersfanfic@hotmail.com 


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